ALWAYS WEAR GLOVES

This either has nothing to do with being a mortician or everything to do with being a mortician. I am not sure. i can't believe this video stayed up. this is me writing from 2022.

THIS PHOTO IS 13 YEARS NEWER THAN THIS POST Let's just say this, I am in a bit of a "state" right now. state n. 1. A condition or mode of being, as with regard to circumstances: a state of confusion. Big time. Ok. got it? For those of you that know me, forget it, throw that away, you do not. Not even close. I am A. Mortician, that is all you know. That being said, let me attempt at blathering on for awhile. I dodged a particularly tragic pair of deaths this week. Conflicting arrangement times prevented me from meeting with the family of a nightmarish tragedy. Counting myself lucky, I moved on into my week attacking various duties with great abandonment and beautiful hope for the future. Then, a few days ago, I was greeted with my comeuppance. A distraught and destroyed woman on the other end of a telephone telling me that she needed my help. Help with the kind of thing I know a bit about. This is, as they say, not my first rodeo. I listened, I cared, I used "th...

I am DeadCentre. I really wasn't sure what to write here. I'd been asked by this blogs host to make a contribution but I'd had no Xanadu moment; my muse had foraken me. I'd considered at first an introduction of sorts, a precis of my life in the funeral industry since the age of fourteen and subsequent descent into the production line world of corporate funeral care. It's not interesting though, not to me anyway. Tonight I had my Xanadu moment. Olivia Newton-John rollerskated down the stairs and into the toilets of the Old Cheshire Cheese pub on Fleet Street in London. In the form a a bit of graffiti penned onto the wall beside the cistern above the urinal she'd written; 'Lifes great irony; though the measure of our life goes forward, our understanding of it works in reverse', or words to that effect. I remembered what I wanted to do on this blog. I wanted to cause a fuss, be difficult and disagree with A. Mortician, and that's exactly what I intend...

I have nothing to do. There are no families to meet with. No bodies to make pretty. There are no projects to tackle. Well, there are ALWAYS projects to tackle at a funeral home but I have pretty much decided that those are not my jobs unless I am specifically asked to do something. I am being paid to be a mortician and not being paid to be a lawn-boy. We already have a lawn boy. Sometimes I am the IT guy. For instance, yesterday I hooked up a 47 inch flat screen TV to a computer with a wireless connection to the network. That was fun. Now on the weekends I have a new and wonderful place to watch streaming netflix . You better believe I do. The real reason that this monstrosity exists is because we have done away with our casket showroom and replaced it with this screen. Well at least we are getting closer to that dream anyway. Since we leveled the showroom we have been selling out of a picture book and it has been just fine . No one seems to care one bit . Funny huh? You might think t...

Folks, prepare yourselves. Morticianswax has a new accomplice. I am quite sure you will enjoy his presence here. Soon. My ability to keep up with this poor little blog is questionable at best. New blood is needed and I really do believe that with this injection of new ideas we might actually benefit from it. Or not. No big philosophical arguments today folks. Just a quick post to tell you that I really am going to keep up this time. I have had a lot on my mind this past year and most of it would not allow me to be a very good mortician. Now, as the smoke clears, I see myself finding third gear and pressing upon the gas pedal. It is time to rock folks. Shall we?

wow. sorry. I guess. poor little blog, so neglected... I am back. Really. If there is anyone out there that still gets a post feed for this thing well...hello again. Let's start at the beginning of the new beginning. I am still a mortician, that did not change. My out look on this profession has not changed much either, I think it is rife with corruption, misdirection and greed. I don't do that shit so it has little bearing on me and what I do so there is that I suppose. What has changed in my world of the dismal trade is that I don't care what others do. Doing this job as a zombie (which is another thing that I believe now, I think that if a zombie attack came on, undertakers would really be the only ones that could save the earth. remember that, we may be the only hope for all of humanity in that scenario) will only serve to mess up that individual. People have choices. They can choose to be free and open and truthful or they can choose to bury their heads in convention a...