ALWAYS WEAR GLOVES

As if you have not figured out by this point, I am not a writer. I do not have a solid voice, nor do I retain the ability to keep up with a, whats that word I hear all the time that writers have, it’s not a habit, it’s a oh whatever, I don’t have it. A regimen? Maybe it is a habit. I have recently perused my prior rants thus far and have come to the conclusion that I have said plenty about certain topics. There will be no reason to further enlighten you upon my theories on the proper moral etiquette of the contemporary funeral director, (but I would imagine that based upon the very premise of this said, "blog" I will from time to time always come back to this general motive). I feel that it must branch out a bit though, there is no use in beating horses that are already dead. In fact, there are no reasons to beat horses at all! People ask me a lot about death. I know nothing of it. I only catch glimpses of the repercussions of it’s presence. I have never done i...

I have just decided that the keyboard/screen/chair configuration here at work is the most ergonomically debilitating system that has ever been conceived. I patiently await back-pain. So what’s new? I am into the fifth day of my seventeen-day run here. I am covering for a colleague that has chosen to better himself by attending a conference on pre-need sales. This conference should not hurt him in any way. It is the stuff of my personal nightmares but, as they say, to each his own. I have come to the conclusion that (and this does not really have anything to do with my colleagues sales predilections) I do not feel comfortable “earning” commissions on anything that I could “sell” as an undertaker. If I don’t actually do it, then it isn’t my money. I would imagine that I lose a lot of revenue for the company by sending the families directly to the monument company but darn it, if I am not cutting the stone and etching the dates and names into it, why should I get a sniff of that mo...

Now that I have this amazing power at home. I should really be able to post more, not that anyone reads this anyway. Let's talk about dysfunction shall we? Actually I don't want to talk about dysfunction. I would rather write about how sad I am about Dr. Hunter S. Thompson committing suicide this last weekend. He was my Hemingway and he went out just like him. I will miss the musings of this man. I really wonder what he had in the hopper about the current state of affairs. It' s probably what made him kill himself. "Sometimes A Great Notion" - Kesey, "Down The River" - Abbey, "Stranger In Strange Land"- Heinlein, all of these works have shaped me in ways that I can only vaguely understand. Thompson, I understand, he wrote from a place of balls-out blurred line reality that only the initiated can taste. When I went to see the film version of "fear and loathing", it made the hairs standup on the back of my neck, I knew that I could neve...

I find that because no one reads this thing that I have a hard time updating it. it has been so long. Lately, I have been pondering what I really do. Lately, I have decided that I am a middle man between you and what you are supposed to do when someone dies. You don't always know what to do and I don't always know what you need. Really, all I am is the guy that is willing to be bothered in the middle of the night, (besides the ones who are taking care of the loved one before they die) and the family with ( or not with ) the person that dies. I am the guy willing to undertake the responsibility of being bothered. Besides that fact, I am the only one legally allowed (at least in my state) to sell you a casket, cremate a body, sell you a pre-arranged/prefunded funeral. I also tend to keep up on the literature, read the books, and study the way people grieve. I am getting better at figuring out what you need. A few things that you need to understand: You could do this yourself if...

Just stopping by to drop off the cot and head off to pick up a loved one at air cargo. (NO, not my loved one, their loved one.) Haven't posted in awhile again. Let's see if I can bring something up that will do nicely. ... Nope. There is talk of getting DSL at home. that would be nice wouldn't it. OK, here is what I have: I meet people at their most vulnerable. I am in the the wrong place, at the wrong time. I try not to make it worse. Dead people look better when they are embalmed. Embalming is an art-form. Twenty years from now, no one will be embalmed. People need to have funerals, (or at least some ritualized event that calls attention to the passing of a loved individual and celebrates their life and mourns their death. that is a funeral .) The Flaming Lips rule.

Been awhile. Things have happened. My best friends father died last week. It was a very sad turn of events. I could go long and detailed into the aspects of my friends father's death but I will not. Let us just say that it is a terrible tragedy and has made me reevaluate parts of my life. This was the first time that I had to play the dual role as "friend" and "undertaker". I have taken care of friends loved ones before but not to the extent that this man is to me. I think of him as the brother I don't share an extended family with. He is, and has been intregral to my life for the last ten years or so. SO, needless to say, this was a hard one. We basically did things like we had talked about doing things for years now. Kick out the formal B.S. and get down to the very essense of what makes the funeral ritual a positive one. He did everything at his house, and he did it very well. There was almost no place in ________'s house where you could not ...

Who am I to think that google ads won't bother you? Why shouldn't I try? Luckily no one ever reads this anyway and has become mostly an excuse for me to wonk merrily along in my own private cyber confessional. It has been a long time since my last confession... We are a funeral home that still shows full caskets. we have a room that allows one to peruse the boxes, kick the tires, open and close the lids, (with help from me please, THOSE HINGES WILL BEND IF YOU ARE NOT A PROFESSIONAL SUCH AS I!), touch the fabric, etc. I like those caskets in all of their glory. It is my "reality room". Nothing brings it home like 25 or so open mawed-wood-steel or cardboard caskets screaming "A DEATH HAS OCCURED!". It helps me do my job of bringing a sense of "why we are really here". However, caskets are large and when you bring 25 or so of them into a room you tend to take up a whole bunch of room. SO, we at ______ - ________ Funeral Chapel are inching sl...