possibilities and truths

Oh dear readers, thank you for being so patient with me. I do wish that I could update this silly manuscript with more punctuality, I really do, I promise, but that, alas, seems to be proving quite impossible.

I sit here, dear readers, awaiting my colleague, so that we can ascertain the possibilities of a viewing of a man that went through his windshield. My colleague, who spoke with the man’s family yesterday, decided not to bring up some glaring details about these said, “possibilities”. Now, If it would have been me, after retaining said “family” upon the telephone I would have compassionately outlined in pure blunt truth about why it would be “difficult” to see their said loved one in his current condition. However, with some restorative measures and the simple yet magical act of the embalming ritual, viewing could not only have been possible, it would have been encouraged. My colleague, however, failed to outline some of these details and simply left it to calling the family back at some point today with the news that without (see above what I would have done yesterday) it will be difficult. I don’t know if he was being lazy or stupid, but now I suppose it does not matter, the opportunity is lost. Instead of just communicating the truths involved with windshields and bodies and preservation techniques and sutures, we now must start at “square one” and hope that he looks ok enough to view him in his current, more “natural” condition. Now don’t get me wrong, we can still rebuild him, we have the technology, but we should have done it yesterday so that that today when we called them back, we could have compassionately told the family that they could come down to the mortuary and view their dear brother’s body and mourned his passing without any question as to its ramifications. We would have done everything we could and felt good about that. Oh well.

Also,

I had a time last weekend to reflect upon the ones that I love. Some old friends came into town from lands afar and it was goddamn good to see them. I drank too much with them and probably made an ass of myself but dammit, that’s what ethyl alcohol is for isn’t it? I came to realize that as a group we hold great power. People are procreating, others have passed on, some simply hold the line and continue to continue. I love that. For all that changes, so much stays the same, the story just becomes more and more interesting. My life has become so different in the last few years that I have begun to wonder if I have veered off into a land that makes me alien to some of the ones that I hold so dear. I hope this isn’t true and know that mostly my self is so wrapped up in “other” things that I tend to feel a bit awkward when I encounter people that have so much going on around them that I have not been a part of for a while. I think I am becoming a bit of an isolationist and while that makes me a bit sad, I know that I must in order to continue. I looked upon a crowd of drunken friends last Saturday night and knew that I would not be able to tell everyone how much they all have individually shaped me and made me a better person because of their existence. I should have made a speech right then and there declaring this fact. I drunkenly looked upon this crowd and knew deeply that some of them could die. I realize that this is a pretty morbid fucking truth but all the same, I think about it all the time. And let me say, I don’t think anyone will die (at least in the crowd I watched last Saturday) because of their habits, I generally think my “peergroup” is pretty healthy about lifestyle choices anymore, the ones that bought that ticket are already gone. And lets also get it straight that I know that we all die. It’s when we leave in a window that doesn’t seem right that leaves such a devastating hole. I’m just not ready to deal with that right now. I deal with it enough. The pain of grief is something none of us want to experience. If you have, or are, you know. It is also inevitable. So when I drunkenly looked over that beautiful, creative, opinionated, loving, compassionate, forgiving, understanding crowd, and I think about how little I get to see you, I missed you, and I am glad we got a chance to see each other one more time.