Name: A. Mortician
Age: 33
Occupation: “Mortician”
Place of employment: Almost Anytown, USA
How long have you been a practicing mortician?
I will have been licensed in the state of for five years on July 2006, however, I completed my apprenticeship about ten years ago. In between those times I was “actively” engaged in education and training to become a licensed mortician.
Do you recall the moment when you decided to be a mortician?
I was leaving my apartment with colleague of mine and we were going to go play disc and drink beer in down town . I was unemployed and living off of my parents good will. My mother, who was working her ass off as a health occupations teacher in the school district drove by me and my colleague. She saw exactly what I was up to and gave me the death-glare that only a mother can give a son. I turned to my colleague and said, “Dude, I gotta go get a job”.
That’s not really fair though, I did have some interest previously, it wasn’t completely out of alcholism and fear that I “chose” this line of work, I do believe it chose me.
About a year prior to the incident outside my apartment, I was in . Helping my mom take care my cousins. Her brother is a mortician and his wife was out of town, hence the reason we were their helping out. One evening we were hanging out at the house when my uncles pager went off. He made a phone call and ascertained that he needed to “go on a call” he then asked me if I wanted to go. I did.
We arrived at a home in a residential neighborhood and their were police officers with oxygen tanks/masks in the front yard. It was probably July and was at least 100 degrees out. My uncle went into the home and quickly came out with a sour look upon his slightly smiling mug. “Baptism” he said. We entered the home together and found a dead human body on a bed in a back bedroom. He probably weighed 300 lbs. And looked like nothing I had ever seen. He had been “down” for about a week or so in the heat. He was found by neighbors who were complaining about an odor eminating from his home. The cops were retching and gagging. The smell was unreasonable. It did not bother me one bit. I was fascinated. I was sort of in love with the whole thing.
Flash forward to the incident in front of my apartment. I got my hair cut, put on the best clothes I had at the time and walked to the nearest funeral home to my apartment. ( Blank Funeral Home, but don’t print that I don’t want them getting any free press, I can tell you stories…) The funeral home was losing an apprentice in two weeks. They needed someone. I was hired. I was hooked from then on, and not just with the “body” aspect, I was hooked on the whole thing.
What does your family think about your profession?
They are very into it. Needless to say it saved me from becoming a pretty lousy drunk, well it slowed it down anyway. My family is actually MUCH more supportive than most of my friends have ever been. I think that’s because my uncle has been a mortician for years. My grandfather is a minister as well, he worked for a funeral home in his retirement as an “on call” minister. We actually have a lot of the aspects of the industry in our blood already. My wife is totally amazing about my job. I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without her support. She totally gets it.
Your schedule is 10 days on and 4 off. While you are on rotation you are on call 7 of the 10 days on and when on call, all hours of the night? (I guess the dying really don’t think about regular office hours eh?)
No. but it’s important to remember that it’s not about the dead, they can’t call me, they’re dead. It’s about who the dead leave behind. And they call me at all hours when I’m on call. Or their hospitals do, or hospice nurses, or the coroners office, or other funeral directors in other towns.
How is your time scheduled in regards to body pick up, preparations of the body, and meeting with the family? With many tasks to be completed how do you squeeze it all in?
I suppose we just do it I guess. I guess I should clarify the aforementioned schedule a little. I have a partner in crime that shares weekend responsibilities with me. Conversely, there is a team that works the opposite weekend that my partner and I do. Our ten and four schedules are then staggered out to a poin that there is always someone coming “on” as others are going “off” and the two partners are also in a three day lag with each other. Basically we take on families and responsibilities as our time “on” is allowing. We do our very best to make sure that families get a cohesive funeral director from the beginning to the end, and that is typically a 3 to 5 day process, sometimes more and sometimes less. We could not do this without a team (and keep our sanity). Smaller firms can handle less funerals per year and bigger ones more. We tend to make sure that no one is overburdened so that each family gets quality attention. We do get swamped though, and when that happens the bottom line is no sleep and lots of work.
What is your motivation? What keeps you going?
Love. Love for the people I serve. I consider myself incredibly blessed to be a part of this whole thing. I am also sickened by much of what my profession has to offer and I get to destroy that attitude everyday I come to work. My gift is that I get to be a part of a greater connection that humans tend to take for granted. It does not get any deeper than the crossroads of saying goodbye to a loved one. This profession has taught me to never take anything for granted and that keeps me pretty motivated. It sure as hell isn’t for the money.
What is your preferred form of service to offer a family?
The form will make itself known as we get to know each other. There is no one way to do things, It COMPLETELY depends on the situation I am presented with. I have personal feelings about how I think that cremation is a very dignified and civilized way of “disposal” but I would not even begin to tell someone that that method is the best or that I prefer it. It just depends on the needs of the family.
How do you keep the balance of business at hand (choices for burial) and consoling a family?
They are one and the same. Sometimes caskets actually make people feel better. Sometimes pointing out how weird caskets are makes people feel better. My ideas on consoling the family come from making a true psychological connection with that family. When we establish a trusting, honest relationship it is very easy to talk about what I need to do and what will benefit them in the way of funeral ritual. It is my job to discern what I think the family needs, based on what they tell me and what they don’t tell me as well.
Well enough formal-ish questions, let’s talk about death.
Would you agree (from your experience or personal opinion) that our western culture has a difficult time facing death? Talking about death?
Yep. Big yep. I could talk about this for hours. It’s funny though, I guess I would say western culture is bad now, but we didn’t used to be as bad, and this is actually narrowing it down to the U.S. I believe that my industry is particularly responsible for making funeral ritual harder than it could have been. An excellent source for this position is Rest In Peace: A Cultural History Of Death And The Funeral Home In Twentieth-century America -- by Gary Laderman
I would also say from experience that other cultures aside from the western are have just as difficult at time with death as westerners do.
We don’t really have a book or manual to help us understand death, yes, there is religious scripture and such that takes care of some of the population, but for the rest of us we have to struggle to deal with such a life changing (ending) concept. What are your ideas about death?
It has taken me a long time to decide that I don’t care anymore, The mystery is more beautiful than the answer will ever be. Maybe. Or maybe not. I suppose I am not scared to die at all. I am much more afraid of what happens when others die that you love. If something happened to my kids, I would just go off the deep end, I promise you that. On the other hand, If I could spare my children pain and torture with a quick and painless death, I might choose that. For me, it matters not. What love does to us changes death and makes it the ultimate separation, and you are right, there are some prescriptions that people buy that can “undo” that separation but personally I don’t buy it. (I work for people and am surrounded by people that do however so I am becoming an expert) The real thing to think about here though is that death is not really the issue. We know what death is, we are talking about what happens after it. I am not so interested in that right now, I need to focus on the here and now so that I can be present and responsible for those I serve.
Is death something to celebrate and embrace?
Is birth? I like to think that life is worth celebrating if that is possible. Birth and death are the provable time-stamps on along the line.
Are your kids old enough to understand what you do? Have you had to explain death to your boys yet?
(4) is sort of catching on. (2) is clueless. Oh yeah, and I talk about death a lot and what I do. He told some kids at pre-school that I put people in fires. I suppose we have a ways to go before he really catches on.
Board of Morticians: what is it? What is your role?
The board is appointed by the Governor. They make sure that funeral directors stay in line based on Idaho code. They inspect funeral homes and license them. They write the state board exam. My role is nil.
The rising cost of dying places an enormous amount of stress on families; I have looked at_________ prices, it does seem a bit much, it reminds me of going to the emergency room where everything is itemized. They say you can’t put a price on beauty, happiness, and so forth; can you put a price on death?
Did you look at other funeral homes prices? You will find that ours are certainly not the most expensive in town, but certainly not the least. I can tell you this. You can spend as much, or as little as you want. We live in a State that PRIDES itself on individualist rights. You don’t need to use a funeral director at all. Aside from embalming and the cremation process itself, there is no law saying you can’t do it all yourself. Jessica Mitford did the world a great service by bringing to light the world of the funeral industry, she also did the world a great injustice by not really attempting to understand it any deeper than the sensationalistic aspects. How much does it cost to be kept alive in an ICU? Is that a price to be put on death if that is the eventual result from the “failure” of the medical industry? A funeral can be as expensive as you want/need it to be.
Death seems like a profitable business, do you agree?
Shoot _________ , death is free. The repercussions can be profitable. The funeral industry will continue to do VERY well as long as they can keep the common public snowed into thinking that they need the funeral industry. Social mores and taboos are what keep the death-care industry rolling. Its not the morticians fault that think they need to do it that way. I personally believe that anyone can put together a very meaningful ritual without the funeral home getting involved. NOW, don’t get me wrong, I know that not all people are ready to deal with taking care of dealing with their own dead and I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone if they are not ready for it. I am a professional, with many years of experience when it comes to the repercussions of death and the funeral ritual. Coming to me you get full use of all of those skills and I will use them to the farthest reach of my ability, whether someone wants a direct cremation or solid gold casket w/lasers and the animatronic Elvis. That is what I do to serve.
What steps have you made, if any, to challenge the costs of dying (burial/services offered)?
I make sure people always know all of their alternatives. When we are looking at urns, I assure them that they could bring me ANYTHING they might already have, or something that they might find at Pier One. It’s certainly more cost effective and always looks better than the one we give to you for free,( yes free, we are the good funeral home). But at the same time I want to point out that our urns are good too. Their bottom line is convenience and that is really what my industry is all about sometimes,
Do you know about Funeral Consumer Alliance of ______? I read somewhere that John Q public was worried about not having a non-morticians voice heard when it comes to funeral options. Do you have any comments about this?
The FCA is great. Except that they are highly uneducated about my industry.
Choices, alternative, ____Home Funerals, LLC? Any comment? Do you feel what they are doing is positive for the community?
They are breaking the law and I really don’t think they know what they are doing at all. I have had a few conversations with them and I don’t think they have any idea about what it really means to be a mortician, or plan a meaningful ritual. They are flying by the seat of their pants and I think they are very ignorant to what is really going on. I take this stuff really seriously. I hate bad funeral directors with a passion. I have taken them on head on in the legislature, (check out a little known about fight to de-educate the licensing of Morticians and Funeral Directors in this state). There are people in this city that would love to see any Joe Blow off the street doing what I do on a professional level. Can you imagine someone working for minimum wage selling caskets on commission? To a family already in dire vulnerability? I also hate it when someone sees what I do as a rip off and thinks that they can just devalue it without truly understanding what a mortician can do for a family in need.
Thank you for your time , I would like to end much like James Lipton..
What is your favorite word in the English language?
elegant
What is your favorite curse word?
fuck
What other profession would you like to try?
Pub owner
Where do you see yourself in 20 years?
As the owner of A. Mortician’s Alehouse
