Requiem

I went to a memorial service for my friend yesterday. He died a couple of weeks ago. He was a really cool guy. Certainly one of the coolest I have ever known. The "service" was perfect. It was in a bar/restaurant, people spoke that knew him well. People gathered, and cried, and laughed and were present for each other. Friends came from afar. Love was felt for those alive and for the memories of those who no longer are.

My friend’s body was cremated a few weeks ago. Another funeral home took care of that responsibility. I am glad that I didn't have to. I also wish that I could have undertaken that for the family. It really didn't matter; the funeral home didn't matter very much. I am beginning to think that the funeral home in general, does not matter very much.

I have a model in my head for the future of society and its relationship with "death-care". More and more it is less and less about what I do for most people on a daily basis. I am really getting sick of not being able to say what I truly feel. I say it here but I think I am the only one that reads this anyway.

If we are going to grow, we need to let go. If we are to see the future, we need to stop living in the past.

My friend lived his life pretty fiercely, and for that, he might have left us earlier than what might be thought of as usual. The sadness of his passing (to me) is the partaking of the mass selfishness that most humans buy into during the death of a loved one. We don't want them to go because we were not finished with them yet. It's not fair because we weren't done. I had more to say to that boy and I am damn sure I wanted him to tell me more.

My friends death, along with a special family I helped this week whose baby died, (this is the second child in 1 year) has put me in the bubble. I am not seeing from the perspective of those who have not lost, I am on the inside looking out. I am feeling the loss and looking at those who have not. I preach about this perspective a lot but have not been here in a long time. It makes me question my worth. It allows me to think about the future. I am reeling from the responsibility of humanness and this burden tires me. I am depressed at the current state of things.

I love you all. I miss the ones that are dead. I will never forget the time we shot the gap on the Missouri. We screamed and thought we would surely die. The others slept. Amen.