Women will be the death of me.

Tonight, I savour my last evening of a week away from work. Well not quite away; I live in a flat above one of our branches but since Sunday last, I've not concerned myself with anything that could pay the rent or trouble me in a professional sense. Instead, I've indulged my base and venereal impulses, with wine and women and other such trifles that cost more than my monthly budget would strictly allow. Bear with me, please.

This week, I reconciled with my troubled girlfriend and then promptly dumped her again on the friday. We've had many ups and downs in our time together. In the end it was more downs than ups, often originating from the neccesity of me having to leave her whilst 'on call'. Of course, I could argue that her sense of abandonment stems from the acrimonious loss of her father at an early age, but having to leave our shared bed at all hours over a considerable period and neccesarily devoting so much of my time to my work has some impact. I've seen all this before amongst colleagues and In retropsect, I've taken her and her feelings for granted.

Now I've only known D, my newest ladyfriend and for whom I've devoted much attention for a short period, but thus far It's been quite an intense liason. As a funeral director, It can sometimes be difficult explaining your role to prospective new ladyfriends. There are those that are completely freaked out and those that take an unhealthy interest, or at least in my experience. D however has maintained a cool nonchalance and so for that reason I was accomodating when she asked me for a tour of the premises in which I live. I showed her our two chapels, the damp Dickensian cellar piled with decaying funereal equipment and the rump of what once was a 1930's mortuary. I climbed up an 8ft cupboard in nothing but a dressing gown to extricate mouldy and expired morocco spined ledgers dating back to the 1840's and she breathed this all in, spores and all. Of course, I take all this for granted, but she was intensely turned on, as was evidenced later that evening.

On Thursday I attended a dinner prepared by my cousin, she who has recently lost her father; my uncle. Before and after a lovely curry, the Semillon chardonnay flowed as if on broken tap. But, In Vino veritas, and the booze freed her and her husband to vent their frustrations at the contents of Uncle Jims will. My cousins are no longer on speaking terms with each other, as Is often the case with contentious wills. I've seen this all before and of course take it for granted, but she was apoplectic.

Now, at the end of my week's sojourn at home and amongst the various women whom demand so much of me, I'm exhausted, I'm poor, I'm emotionally drained and I'm ever so slightly worried I might have impregnated somebody whom I'm not willing to commit to. I've had carnal relations with three women (not including my cousin of course) and despite the fact that I've managed to reflect on the various emotions of the various women In my life, I can't honestly say I've learned anything substantial about how a womans mind works, or why what I do as a job is of any interest. But then, I suppose I just take it all for granted.