REELIN' IN THE YEARS W/ A ROYAL SCAM

I was working at the market yesterday, allegedly working. kids these days I tell you what...i know it's me, it's not age. I surround myself with plenty of people "my age" they don't act like I do. I am too much for most people my age. whimsical irreverence is freedom. Maybe bob봅 taught me that? I just don't care  that much about the affairs of others. It's amazing how much people care about shit that is inconsequential to them. if they even thought about that stuff. (*I also know that I am allowed to be the way I am out of extreme privilege. I don't worry too much about financial stuff because I am generally broke, i don't give  a fuck about possessions, and i think money is stupid and meant to be spent or burned (THanks star trek).  I make it happen when it needs to happen but I recognize that if shit hits the fan, i can probably get bailed out by my parents who moved on the crab long ago. good decisions, hard work and good fucking ethics put them in a place where they not only don't have to worry about themselves, they can help me not worry. It took a long time for me to accept this without guilt. fuck you if you think it's weak. it's just luck. and luckily, at this point i can use this privilege to do good for all. ) 

So, this all keeps me thinking. 

I've been known to say and have on occasion given the advice to others that if you aren't necessarily "in to" your employment situation, go ahead and treat it as a social experiment. Take your  self out of the game and become the observer. I have been studying youths ( and raising a few over the last 20 years) that work at the market. They fascinate me because they are so fucking inept and bereft of at and all personal inquisition either to others or towards their self. I don't think I am wrong about this. It's heartbreaking because it's so obvious. No one has ever told them to at least try and be interesting, or that they could be interesting, or that the shit we pack our heads full of is not interesting at all. they have had zero training in communicating interaction beyond grunts and nods. I'ts fucked. When I engage with these kids, they look at me with a dull fuck you, not even trying. they psychically eye roll the old man as they begrudgingly remove a single  airpod. "what's up" without even a question mark to feign interest. 

which is fair. I am an old man. I'm an old man working as a stock boy in an independently and locally owned grocery store. I have no future, they know that. 

why this scenario is so fucking amusing to me is the treat of it all. what they're retardation isn't allowing for is that I am the one that is smiling. grinning as I bag ice, take out trash, clean toilets, and mop the floors. they don't understand that I have a soundtrack in my head  to all of this. A script that is writing itself before my very eyes. This is not work you fools. you have y e a r s of that ahead of you kid. the amount of wisdom and storyline packed in my skull is the true rich stuff. buried treasure. what's also ridiculous is that I am willing to share it all for damn near free. You just have to care. show kindness, at least pity me, attempt to understand where i might be coming from. do that for me and then do that for every other person you come into contact with and you will find your own shitty existence to be so much more palatable. 

I have married and divorced, have two amazing sons who totally get it and somehow don't hate me for being a drunk fuck for their whole lives. I've lost my mind in a sea of human beings dancing to the same song, had a million weird jobs, settled down with a dismal trade that involved more depth, mystery and insanity to fill ten lifetimes. I've started over. I have been punished for mistakes and lauded and praised and loved and hated and cried, oh how much I have cried.  I've met so many amazing people... I've even seen the topless dancers of corfu. 

what AM I SAYING HERE? 

probably nothing. I just know it's worth something and probably not what you think it's for.